One negative ritual between my girlfriend and I is her walking out in the steam of the moment when incensed about something I said or did. She is often on edge, especially whenever a potentially controversial topic is under discussion, and always looks ready to fly off at the earliest instant. Whenever she is the butt of the debacle or causes it, she is often quick to attempt to downplay the solemnity of the situation and even offer clemency. This is starkly different when she believes I am the cause. Whenever this happens, she often makes her way to her house regardless of the time of day or night, and the insurmountable persuasion I impress upon her.
The melee is often initiated by topics such as a relative coming over to stay for a while, purchasing an object she deems a waste of money (this sparks the bulk of the instances), and failing to keep up appearances at the agreed times. She often maintains that putting up with my distant relatives specifically for periods exceeding three days is a logistical nightmare on her side. I, on the other hand, feel that since I will be providing any resources needed and the cousins have their engagements outside the house most of the times, she should not be distraught or bothered. She threatens to leave and not come back for the rest of my visiting relatives stay, but rarely makes it the whole extent of the period. She is often moody after this but regains her usual demeanor soon after. This type of conflict is referred in chapter 11 as perceived incompatibility goals and occurs majorly when partners feel there is no synchronization of their fundamental desires (Griffin and Glen 347).
I often like experimenting with new electronic gadgets, a trait she abhors to the skin of her teeth. She regards it as a waste of money and one of the chief reasons we are not as sufficiently stable financially as we should be. My attempts to convince her that I will resell them soon after I am done often falls on deaf ears as she becomes inconsolable. She walks off and only returns after I impress upon her that I will not repeat or whenever she feels she should. I fail to understand why she cannot learn to live with my behavior as I have learned to embrace her colonization of my closet with a million pieces of apparel she barely even knows exist. She is often unconvinced that I am determined to depart from these two traits, and occasionally threatens to turn down my proposal or walk away and never come back.
I often attempt to assume her point of view, as the raw emotions she exhibits are often emotionally affecting though I am not always apprehensive of the rationale she bequeaths to accompany her actions. The belief that we might not be emotionally compatible also often creeps in and inspires me to begin to consider a life with someone else who is less affected by my harmless, boyish pleasures. This situation or conflict is referred to as perceived scarce resource and largely occurs when a partner feels that the unavailability of a resource to go around is potentiated directly or indirectly by the deliberate actions of the other partner (Griffin and Glen 347).
It is my intrinsic belief that there exist other satisfying methods to deal with situations such as these, and the rituals are more regressive in the long run. Choosing to sit down and address the issues at the very moment they arise may allow both of us to appreciate each others point of view and dimensions, and even create the perfect aura for the hatchment of a panacea. We would be more aware of the real emotional implications of these actions on one another. My attempts to raise this topic with her often hit a snag, but it is my sincerest belief that we will agree on it one day and that it represents the most satisfying prospects in managing our conflicts. Accommodation or the lose-win conflict resolution technique and compromise (partial lose-lose) will be largely applicable and effective in establishing a common ground and resolution of the conflict (Griffin and Glen 350).
Griffin, Emory A., and Glen Arthur McClish. A first look at communication theory. Boston: McGraw-Hill, 2011.344-372. Print
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