The learning experience expressed in this narrative is about a teacher who used very good teaching methods and who enabled my peer to understand anatomy and physiological concepts very well. Other than using books, the teacher used songs and jokes during class sessions. Further, the use of PowerPoint enabled my peer to understand concepts better. More importantly, the caring nature of the teacher was important for the attention of the class. In the beginning, my peer hooks my attention by the description of her high school; down the hallways. Her description of the teacher, Mr. Sherden, is also another thing that hooked my attention at the beginning of the essay.
In this essay, the thesis statement is that having a well-rounded teacher really strengthens a students learning performance. Although this thesis statement is good it could be made better by specifically stating what my peer implied by a well rounded teacher. Perhaps, my peer could say a teacher who uses diverse teaching techniques instead of a well-rounded teacher. The other paragraphs of the essay support this thesis statement. Specifically, they show how the teacher was well rounded; how he used songs and visual PowerPoint to teach the students. Further, how he asked the students about their well-being supports the notion that he was well rounded.
The body paragraphs make use of descriptions and examples to make the narrative move along. Specifically, the description of the state of the class, as well as the nature of the teacher is not only vivid but also lucid. Mr. Sherden is described as a middle-aged man who always wore a button up and a tie. Additionally, there is the use of figurative language in the description. Specifically, she describes how the students moved into the classroom like a marching parade. Further, shutting the classroom is a sign that the teacher did not want any disturbance.
The writing of my peer has a very somber mood and a good tone. In this regard, from the way the learning environment is described to the nature of the teacher, I am left curious on the next turn of events. As such, I yearn to know what the next sentence talks about. To conclude the essay, my peer explains how the experience that she got from the anatomy and physiology class made her better prepared for the college education. Further, my peer appreciated the role that the teacher played in making her becomes a better student.
The narrative is composed of some strong and weak points. However, the strong points are more than the weak points. In this regard, the string point is when Mr. Sherden, the teacher, enters the classroom and greets the students. However, the weak point is when he shuts the classroom door so that no late student will get in. To make the draft stronger, I would add how the students who were late, and who were locked outside, reacted after the class. Additionally, I would explain the reaction of the teacher when the students who were late knocked the door. This way I will make the narrative stronger. The narrative does not have errors and grammatical mistakes except in the heading. The words teacher whom is wrong. It should have started with the article the teacher whom otherwise, the narrative had good grammar and few errors.
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