Developing Relationships Through Talk

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Everyday communication is one of the main contributors to the growth of relationships. Duck & McMahan (2010) identify talk as the most important aspect of relationship growth between different individuals, and the phenomenon that determines whether one remains in a relationship with someone or not. Therefore, the retention of friendship appeals to the cause of this paper and becomes the topic of discussion pursuant to the items discussed in chapter 6 of Communication in Every Day Life.

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Building Relationships

President Roosevelt noted that one of the best ways to getting success is through knowing how to get along with people. Therefore, it becomes key that in the daily interaction with people, the positive building of relationships occur. One of the main concerns in the course of communication is the ability for persons to engage in meaningful relationships, and how to maintain such relationships. The creation and maintenance of a connection with other human beings is one of the profound roles that human beings play in the course of their existence. It takes positive skills to ensure that this role can be effectively played, noting that human beings are social beings. As such, there are skills necessary for the growth and development of relationships.

Accepting differences is one of such skills necessary to the building and maintaining of relationships (Stone, Deci, & Ryan, 2009). Consider a marriage situation which embodies the growth of a relationship from one stage to another. The two, having met, will have various differences in terms of social, political, economic or even interpersonal characteristics. Nonetheless, the acceptance and toleration of those differences ensures that the relationship is built and maintained to the point of marriage. Therefore, the expectation upon the other party that they will be exactly like us in most aspects becomes a stumbling block to the building and maintenance of relationships. This is because this is an unrealistic approach to the able communication between people. Despite the ability to feel better when people can get us, it is always in the best interests of the relationship to understand and accommodate the differences that one has for the purpose of growth. Nonetheless, unacceptable differences between individuals can cause a complete lack of interest in pursuing the growth of the relationship (Freifeld, 2013).

Listening skills are also part of the building of the relationship through talk. The ability to listen effectively to someone enhances their self-esteem, assuring them of the other persons capability to effectively interact with them and make them feel valued. It is as a silent form of flattery that is deeply appreciated (Freifeld, 2013). Active and reflective thinking presents itself as a major strength in building relationships, showing the other person that one is genuinely interested in understanding the other persons point of view, feelings, needs and deeper communication. As such, deep listening is a major relationship booster because of the ability to ensure effective communication between parties. Thus, the relationship is developed through growth.

Therefore, the development of effective communications skills is necessary in developing good relationships. Communication between two people should be able to build the relationship. Therefore, it is imperative that ones talk communicates something, rather than just state confusing representations. The assumption that the other party understands what you meant can be a painstaking detriment to the development of relationships through talk. The point of developing the relationship through talk is to be able to communicate effectively concerning prevailing personal beliefs. Communication skills are thus key in ensuring that relationships can be built through this mode of communication. One such way of ensuring that there is proper communication is through the management of mobile technology when developing relationships (Rikby, Reichheld, & Shefter, 2002). The ability to give a person time as well as giving yourself time to properly listen and respond to the other person ensures that one can effectively communicate, and thereby build the relationship. Furthermore, a management of mobile technology will ensure that distractions in the course of relationship development can be averted (Freifeld, 2013).

Relationship Filtering Model

In line with these methods of developing relationships, Duck & McMahan (2010) developed a model for relationship filtering. In this model, people will consider different verbal and non-verbal cues in the course of communication to determine the classification of the specific relationship. People choose which relationships to pursue based on the analysis of these cues whose basis is evident in the thought processes of the other person. The physical appearance and personality of the other person are equally contributors towards the formation of attitudes towards relationships. As such, the model proposes that people are filtered based on a combination of the above factors in determining whether they will pursue a relationship or not (Duck & McMahan, 2010).

There are different cues upon which people judge others that they have met to determine whether they would like to pursue a relationship. For example, sociological cues can be one of the factors for the consideration of whether relationships are built. For example, if two people do not get a chance to meet, though they frequent the same place, the different in the sociological location causes them never to meet and talk. If two people go to the gym but at different times, the lack of sociological coincidence causes them to be unable to meet though they might be friends and choose to pursue a relationship (Williams, 2015).

On the other hand, there are pre-interactive and interactive cues. When we get information about someone before we meet them, we can decide whether or not to pursue a relationship with them after meeting them. Alternatively, we can meet a person and determine whether or not we want to pursue a relationship with them. If a boy asks his friends about a girl in school that he sees but has never talked about, the response can determine whether the boy will talk to the girl or not. Both parties can then decide whether or not to pursue a relationship once they have talked. Finally, there exist the cognitive cues. At this stage, people are evaluated based on character similarities for the establishment of a long-term relationship. This can be in the example of dating couple considering marriage.


Talk is therefore important in the creation, development and maintenance of relationships as it is the basis of social interactions. It is therefore necessary to engage good communication skills for the maintenance of good relationships. Furthermore, the models of relationship filtering can be applicable in daily lives in the course of interaction. Cues are important to the establishment of relationships and give the other party a chance to evaluate the extent of relationship development.


Duck, S., & McMahan, T. (2010). Communication in Everyday Life. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publishers.

Freifeld, L. (2013). 8 TIPS FOR DEVELOPING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS. Retrieved March 3, 2016, from Training Magazine:

Rikby, D., Reichheld, F., & Shefter, P. (2002). Avoid the four perils of CRM. Harvard business review, 101-109.

Stone, D., Deci, E., & Ryan, R. (2009). Beyond talk: Creating autonomous motivation through self-determination theory. Journal of General Management, 75.

Williams, A. (2015). Ducks Relationship Filtering Model. Retrieved March 3, 2016, from Communication Theory:

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